My daughter is going to wake up tomorrow, on her birthday, and there will be no crepe paper, balloons, birthday signs, confetti or table centerpieces on display. Honey and I were at the store yesterday, shopping for decorations and decided right there in the birthday aisle that we quit. We quit on this tradition literally yesterday for no other reason than we just don’t feel like it anymore. AND, since our daughter’s “bedroom” is also our living room in the RV, there is absolutely no way to tiptoe around her and hang anything without her seeing or hearing us. So, we shall quit it. That’s that. We told our birthday girl/woman (who is turning 22) that we are quitting, beginning with her and she was perfectly ok with it. I find myself wondering if she will feel the same when she wakes up to her normal view in the morning.
We were that family that threw HUGE shindigs for both daughters every year on their birthdays! For Poh, that began with Teletubbies, Year 1 (which is why we call her Poh) and ended with an Atlantic City weekend for Year 21 – the magic adulthood number. Shaina’s 1st birthday had Mother Goose in attendance and her 21st celebration was a sister trip to Atlanta, GA. Honey and I loved spoiling our children and have made so many great memories over the years of very special family born days.
So tomorrow, we will still share the traditional family dinner with Poh at the restaurant of her choice. We will still give her a few gifts to unwrap and some cards to read. I am certain about one thing remaining the same for this birthday celebration…the most important part…is that Poh knows just how much we love and adore her. She knows that her dad and I believe her to be one of the most influential humans we will ever know. She knows that we are proud of the many gifts and talents she has been given. She will definitely not need decorations or presents or stuff to feel her worth to us – this family is unconditionally love-bound to each other…in this lifetime and for all lifetimes to come.
2020 is my year to be raw and real so I have to be honest. I am having a hard time working through this parent/grown-child scenario I find myself in at the moment. My two adult daughters don’t really need a mother anymore so if I am not the person to throw birthday parties and manage school schedules than who am I to them now? Sometimes I want them to need me. Sometimes I don’t. This is where I see clearly that I need to step into MY life and out of theirs. WHO AM I TO ME? Who am I if I no longer need to play the role of family administrative assistant? I really loved that job. Hands down, it will always be my favorite job. I decided recently that it’s time to take the lead role – the role of me – Sandra. I am going to practice hard and get better and better at it until it is my new favorite job. Currently working on the script so I will keep you posted.
For Poh, that is exactly what she is preparing to do now at such a young age. She is taking the lead role of her own life. She is going to bring down the house – receive standing ovations – win awards – I am certain of it. She just won’t be moving forward with birthday decorations anymore because I am over it.
I caved in and got some balloons.